I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize