New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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