Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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