True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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