Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize