my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
