So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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