my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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