I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
