Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I looked at my own cervix.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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