Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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