nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
