My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize