so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
