Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
