please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
