You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
being pregnant is like rehab
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
