When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
