Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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