You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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