I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
