Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize