I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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