Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
