This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
