am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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