think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
