apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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