genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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