i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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