allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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