I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
