I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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