just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
