Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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