1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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