I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
