Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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