In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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