if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize