i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
