thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize