you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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