I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
