No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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