2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
