I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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