so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
