You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
