well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
