i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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