I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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