Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
