We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
