Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He better not be in your backpack
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
