her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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