I need to stop coming to work sober
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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