so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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