Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
