I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
