dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
