dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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