peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
