Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
