I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can text with my tongue
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize