Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
