i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
