the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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