wake up i wanna do it froggy style
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
