i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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