I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
