he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You ruined the universe
Randomize