Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
