ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
