when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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