PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
